How Do You Get Over the Loss of a Parent?


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If we’re friends on Facebook, then you may know that I lost my father to terminal cancer in July.  I can’t tell you how many times I attempted to write a post about it and every time, halfway through, I just could not continue.  While I don’t wish to go into detail, I will say that he was diagnosed terminal in the middle of June and died 16 days later…words cannot begin to describe how awful and heart-wrenching that experience was for me and my entire family. 

me-daddy

(This is me and my Daddy at my grandfather’s funeral, it’s the last photo I have of me and my Dad)

My dad and I were never super close when I was growing up, but as an adult my father was the one I went to when I needed someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge me or tell me what I was doing wrong, he was the one I could depend on to tell me how it was, but do in it a way that was both comforting and strong…he was, as cliche as it may sound…my rock, whether he knew it or not.  To say that I miss him seems too little, I miss him more than a million words could convey and my heart is heavy nearly every single day.  There’s not a day that goes by that something doesn’t remind me of him and it’s both excruciating and comforting.  I’m writing this post not to garner sympathy, but to let it out, because to be quite honest, I’ve held it all in for far too long and it’s starting to eat at me.

My father was a great man, he was kind and caring and would do anything for anyone and he shouldn’t be dead.  He was only 67 years old, he didn’t get  to spend nearly enough time with his grandkids and honestly, I didn’t get to spend enough time with my dad.  It’s been 5 months and I am still pissed!  I feel like I didn’t get to tell my Daddy goodbye (he was at Hospice and heavily sedated the last two days of his life…I foolishly believed that he would wake up…he didn’t), I have so much anger and regret that it’s very hard to think about anything other than how badly I miss him.  I hate seeing my children tear up when his name is mentioned or when they see his pictures hanging on my walls, the entire situation makes me feel physically ill and I just wish that the pain would stop. 

I do a very good job of hiding how badly his passing has affected me (though I know some parts of this post would seem to contradict that), I have 4 children who depend on me to be strong so I pretend in front of them that I’m just thankful he’s at peace and while that statement is half true (I am glad that he’s no longer in pain and that he’s no longer suffering), I cry myself to sleep nearly every night because I just want my Dad back here with us.  I spend hours watching and waiting and looking for a sign that he’s still with us, that he can hear me, that he knows I’m thinking of and missing him, but I get nothing and it makes me angry all over again. 

That is where I’m currently at…angry, all the time and for no other reason than I really wish my father was here or that he’d give me a sign to let me know he knows how much I miss him and then I think I sound crazy for even thinking that in the first place, which brings me right back to anger.  So I guess my question to you, any of you, all of you, is how do you get over the passing of a parent?  What do you do to help yourself sleep at night?  Do you always look for signs and if so do you receive them?  Thanks in advance for any help at all with this.

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Comments

  1. Joanne Vanderheite says:

    I lost my Dad about five years ago. I miss Jim every min, I have pictures up and when I pray I know he is listening. It is the hardest thing I have every been thru. Over time the pain eases , keep him alive in your family with all the memories you can share together. Sending you hugs and hope…!

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